Wallowing...

Yesterday was a bad day. It wasn't until around 4pm that I really stopped wallowing in my self-pity. Good grief. I realized that I should get my head out of the sand and get back into knowing exactly what was going on with me. However, everything I was reading was very depressing and spiraled me into a meltdown.

For the record, I am considered a "Triple-Negative" [Estrogen Receptor (ER) Negative, Progesterone Receptor (PR) Negative, and Her-2/neu Negative]. That's good and bad. Bad in the fact that there is a higher chance for metastasizing and that there are much fewer treatment options. Good in the fact that there is a much lower recurrence rate, I guess. Or not. I keep reading more things and everything seems to be different! I did talk to my oncologist, though, and he said I have a very good prognosis. Ok. That's a good thing.

I think all this came on because I attended the funeral of a very dear man on Wednesday - Terry Jensen. Phil and I worked with Terry at Computer Training Center in St. Joe. Phil's family knows Terry and his family well, too, as they are all from the UP area. We drove up to Pickford in the UP, attended the funeral, and then drove home. Terry died of cancer. It seems like it was all very sudden. I believe he didn't find out about his until after I found out about mine. And now a wonderful man is gone. At least he loved the Lord so that he probably was able to rejoice in the chance to see Him. I'm not ready yet. And I'm not even close to as bad as Terry had been, but seeing him and why he passed really hit home.

At least in the afternoon yesterday I did get calls from my doctors. They were able to allay my fears a bit. Dr. Henderson - my oncologist - told me that I really should be fine. And Dr. Mathia-Oztalay was actually puzzled about why I would want to have my right breast removed. She wants to see the MRI and suggested that I get the ultrasound and biopsy. She feels that I should have all the information before making such a big decision. She has a point. Sooo, I should have my ultrasound scheduled next week. Then, after that, my surgery for removing more tissue from the left will be scheduled. And possibly a right mastectomy, depending on the biopsy results and my own decision.

Oh, and interestingly enough, my pregnancy for Larra had absolutely NOTHING to do with my getting cancer. This type of cancer (ER-,PR-,Her-2/nue-) does not feed on Estrogen. So it was just a fluke. As I said, I just have to be special, don't I? :-)